(no subject)

Perhaps it may behoove me to make another post. This whole public posting thing is quite the trip for me--I locked down my LiveJournal a few years ago, and indeed anything remotely personal I had to say was said either under a locked entry or in a locked alternate journal. Typical emotastic behaviour, but really--if you are as hell-bent as I am on consistently repudiating humanity, why WOULD you air your laundry for the world to see?

I don't know how long the public posting will last. I find that I am loath, even under this anonymity, to post anything about myself. I really would enjoy keeping even the most banal details about myself to myself--so far, everyone in my "reading circle" (what the hell kind of dumb phrasing is that?) knows exactly who I am, as we're all migrating from LJ. That's fine, I'm guessing I can trust them to not sit here and blab about my personal details in comments. They are, after all, my friends, and therefore a cut above the general detestable rat race.

What you can know about me:
I am not old, although I feel like it all the time, and can be heard yelling "You damn kids, get off my lawn!" quite a bit.
I am well-educated.
I have lived in many places, and traveled to many more.
I love animals and own a few. Revealing this may enable me to write long-winded screeds on the horror of discovering that pet hair has made it up your nose, and what's worse, you can't get it back down without damn near blowing your brains out.
I have a very, very bad temper, and it's about as long as Dick Cheney's attention span regarding anything that isn't war or blowing shit up.
I'm a goddamned filthy liberal, American politics-wise, and conservative nonsense will be derided like the bullshit it is. You have been warned.
Yes, I am American, but America is not the only country I have lived in for extended periods of time.

Beyond that, I suppose it will all have to be nebulous...

(no subject)

Do you remember what I said about my friends being above the general rat race? It is true. Most especially of the people that I have held close to me for years and years. I know that they are better than the rest, and so I hang on to them as proof that when fate smites the stupid, we'll all be left together to rule the world.

One of them has fallen extremely ill. Extremely. She puts on a brave face and tries to maintain, but I am now honestly scared for her life. She has chronic conditions in the first place, so anything on top of those is instantly scary as hell. I love her, I honestly do. I love her truly and deeply, we have been friends for so long that I would do anything for her that I could, and she the same. It is distressing to a misanthrope to have these emotional connections, yet I can't help it. I feel this with only a select few, it's true. But that doesn't help now, not when I know she is lying there so helpless and I am so far away.

It's shit like this that makes one shut down. That the stress, anxiety, worry, nausea are all because you care about someone. So maybe, just maybe, you shouldn't care so much. When I was a youngster I used to be terribly empathic, and was labeled high-strung and unmanageable as a result. I would pick up all the ambient feelings around me, simply absorb them like a sponge, and let them seep into my brain. I had to learn how to turn that off. I still mostly have it turned off. But while I'll keep it wide open for my loved one who needs me to be there for her at this horrible time, it's stuff like this that prevents me from wanting to open to any new people.

I hate people. I really, truly do.